Justin Skolnick lives and works in Portland.

Weapons of Minuscule Destruction

Originally posted to justin.revision8.com on in Woodstock, Illinois

Image: Weapons of Minuscule Destruction

Discovered during a recent search of a Target wastebasket: the four guns of an action figure. (1) Two-inch shotgun, (2) one-point-five-inch tommy gun, (3) one-point-five-inch [something] launcher, all black; (4) one-inch six shooter the hue of a caramel in an iridescent wrapper.

Probable result of some parent’s realization that her son’s Real American Hero owned weaponry also (1) was found at Columbine, (2) simplified “Killer” Burke’s job, (3) makes really big holes, and (4) helps explain how the West was won.

Also found: a girl’s left shoe three feet from the curb and pointed at the parking lot. No photo available.